This might be a bit of an unusual NFL season, but there remains an ever-reliable constant: Cam Newton’s avant-garde fashion. Newton may have moved from Carolina to New England, but he’s bringing his major sense of style to Foxboro and turning heads.

We should, nay must, grade Newton’s looks with a critical eye. Everyone has fashion wins and missteps, and so we need to assign a subjective numerical scores to them in order to feel a little bit better about our inability to afford $5,000 loafers.

There’s just one problem: I’m a fashion idiot. I’ve been wearing vintage tees, flip flops and jeans since March and that isn’t changing any time soon. Thankfully, I do know someone who is up to date on styles and trends. Rebecca Jennings writes for The Goods over at Vox, where she follows fashion and consumer trends. This season Rebecca (an expert) and I (an idiot) will review each of Newton’s signature looks.

Week 1

Rebecca, fashion expert:

Cam’s cute lil’ loafers took the words right out of my mouth: BAM! This is mid-century supervillain, and I don’t hate it as much as I’d hate it on anybody else. The double-breasted blazer, fedora, and bow tie are obviously very old-fashioned, but the shocking yellow makes it feel like a modern dandy — which of course, is exactly who Cam is. I’m into this! He needs a better water bottle though.8/10

James, fashion idiot:

As a husky gentleman I can never pull off yellow. I wish I could, but I feel like I always look like a school bus, or at best Big Bird when I try to pull it off. Cam totally makes this work though. I’m not a big fan of the loafers. I know it’s probably very hip, but it gives me too many “Emeril meets an airbrush painter at the boardwalk” kinda thing.

Honestly, Rebecca hits the nail on the head here — but I have to disagree with the water bottle. As someone who is constantly on the look for a good bottle, this looks like an excellent bespoke refreshment receptacle. Maybe there’s not even water in there? It adds a sense of mystery. Sure, I reckon it’s just water — but maybe it could just as easily be some artisanal miso soup to be gently sipped pre-game. Miso soup is great, so is this outfit.9/10

Week 2

Rebecca, fashion expert:

This is fine, but way more on the boring end on the Cam Newton kookiness spectrum. Like yes, I get that he is going for 1920’s gangster (and the mask really gives it a bit of a Western vibe), but we have seen this look from literally every male celebrity who has ever existed. Also he needs an iron. 5/10

James, fashion idiot:

I can’t stop staring at the cuffs of this shirt. They’re probably French cuffs, so I expect them to be a little longer — but considering Cam’s arm length I have to imagine these cuffs would go halfway up my forearm. The suit is boring, but I do like the addition of the pocket watch. It’s easily the least useful way to try and tell time in 2020, but it’s stylish and that’s all that matters. His sneakers look like foot jeans. This really evokes no emotion for me.3/10

Week 3

Rebecca, fashion expert:

I sense a theme happening in Cam’s early-season looks, and that theme is somewhere between Italian mobster and barber shop quartet. Points for the matching baby blue fedora, but it would’ve been much more chic if he’d worn pants in the same color. The khaki next to the pastel is a little too “my daddy’s a lawyer,” if you know what I mean. 2/10

James, fashion idiot:

This outfit seems to be trying to do like 20 things at the same time. It’s part Kentucky Derby, part boat party, a healthy mix of old-timey soda jerk, with a sprinkling of mobster — just for good measure.

My main criticism is that this feels like it’s trying too hard. Cam is delightful without needing to put this much work into the look. Tone it back a few notches and it would be much better. 4/10

Week 4

Note: Cam Newton missed his Week 4 game due to contracting Covid, but thankfully he posted a photo on his Facebook page, which still allowed us to review his fashion.

Rebecca, fashion expert:

I hate to say it, but Covid looks good on Cam Newton. Right off the bat, this is my favorite of his outfits this season so far — the camo print T-shirt and Fendi print scarf is a classic power-clash, and the overalls with one strap undone is both very ‘90s and very now. This look is arguably even a little e-boy, and the tortoiseshell hipster glasses are such a cute touch. Cam, enough with the Italian mobster vibes and more ‘90s fashion skateboarder heartthrob please!9/10

James, fashion idiot:

I always like when Cam rocks the head scarf, but particularly this week. It’s illness-chic (is that a thing?), anyway, this is how I imagine beautiful people always look when they’re sick. Me? It’s lucky if I get out of sweat pants or bed until it’s all over, because I am a collosal baby when I’m ill. Also, there’s something about high-end camo that just looks awesome. Any time I even dare think about wearing the stuff I imagine I’ll end up looking like a Rugged Warehouse Elmer Fudd. Kudos to Cam for rocking it well.9/10