Harry Styles dipped a toe in the piping hot waters of erotic lyricism with his 2019 album, Fine Line. Take, for example, summer bop “Watermelon Sugar”, a thinly-veiled ode to cunnilingus (“Tastes like strawberries on a summer evenin’”). Nice and light, still radio-playable, but quite clearly thirsty.
With Harry’s House, his third solo outing (for our money, his best work to date), he’s ready to dive right in. Out (mostly) with the metaphors, in with the overt references to wet dreams, orgasms and… side boob? It’s refreshing to see a pop star so open about these things, really. (Though, if early accounts of his lead acting debut in My Policeman are anything to go by, he’s about to get way more open still).
Herein, we rank the raunchiest lyrics on the album from least to most horny…
8. “Green eyes, fried rice, I could cook an egg on you” – from “Music For A Sushi Restaurant”
“Music For A Sushi Restaurant” is the biggest earworm (a banger, it has to be said) on Harry’s House after lead single “As It Was”, and while it’s mostly a fun concept track about soundtracking a vibey eatery, there’s still plenty of room for thirst. And, this lyric above, well, isn’t it sweet! Nice and simple, a creative way of saying “you’re hot”. And still sticking with the sushi restaurant theme. The man can do it all.
Thirstometer: 10/100
7. “You’re sweet ice cream, but you could use a flake or two” – from “Music For A Sushi Restaurant
Just veiled enough to be PG. Well played.
Thirstometer: 27/100
6. “Tracksuit and a ponytail, you hide the body all that yoga gave you” – from “Little Freak”
“Little Freak” is probably not the first track he played his mum off the album. It seems to be about a tryst that didn’t quite work out as he’d hoped – “you never saw my birthmark” he sings at one point, suggesting that things didn’t get overly intimate. And yet, here he is, still daydreaming hornily.
Thirstometer: 32/100
5. “She said love me like you paid me” – from “Daydreaming”
“Daydreaming”, another stone-cold synth-pop banger which brilliantly samples “Ain’t We Funking Now” by The Brothers Johnson, is actually not that thirsty, but then there is this very abrupt reference to role play…
Thirstometer: 36/100
4. “A wet dream just dangling” – from “Little Freak”
Okay that’s pretty direct. Isn’t he a bit old for- you know what, no judgement here.
Thirstometer: 48/100
3. “If you’re getting yourself wet for me, I guess you’re all mine” – from “Cinema”
“Cinema” is a full-blown sex ballad. It’s quite romantic in parts, touching upon Harry’s admiration for his unnamed partner (I’m sorry stans, but you’ll have to face up to it one of these days – the man is in a relationship). “I just think you’re cool, I dig your cinema”, he sings on the chorus. Which is, you know, nice and all. But in truth, he’s got his mind on one thing and one thing only. On the verses, he talks about the object of his affections getting wet for him like a man stranded in the Sahara…
Thirstometer: 76/100
2. “I bring the pop to the cinema, you pop when we get intimate” – from “Cinema”
We can gleam two things from this statement. One: that he has in fact had The Sex (congrats on that by the way, Harry). Two: that he is indeed good at it. Satisfied customers only. We can believe it.
Thirstometer: 80/100
1. “Cocaine, side boob, choke her with a sea view” – from “Keep Driving”
Side boob! Erotic asphyxiation! Get this man an ice-cold glass of water, stat!
Thirstometer: 97/100
Harry’s House is out on 20 May.
NOW READ
The best erotic thrillers to steam up your streaming queue
How CODA became an unlikely Oscars frontrunner
Every Harry Styles solo song, ranked
