If They’re Proactive or Reactive

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Although I don’t do holidays, I don’t know if it’s the Gemini in me or what but I am all-the-way-live about my birthday. That said, I once had a boyfriend who, while he was a nice guy, he absolutely sucked when it came to celebrating the one day that I actually care about. I mean, he was horrible at it. The reason he gave was his birthday wasn’t that big of a deal — and you know what? I absolutely don’t get what that has to do with me. Yeah, it’s kind of another article for another time that you should make sure that your partner isn’t so selfish that they think you should not expect certain things from them just because they’re not interested in them. Anyway, because this was his mindset, I can’t count one time when he was proactive about my birthday. Now, once he realized that either my feelings were hurt or I was irritated, here he would come with some sort of semi-plan — but why did it take that for him to show up for something that happens the same time annually? *le sigh*

The silver lining on this point is, that he’s the reason why I tell people all of the time to make sure that they pay attention to whether or not their partner is proactive vs. reactive during the dating process. What I mean by that is, do they think about what would bring a smile to your face all on their own or do they only do things to get out of the “dog house” on the back end?

And if holidays matter to you, there is no better time to pay close attention to this particular point: Are they offering to help with shopping or wrapping? Have they planned dates to get your mind off of potential holiday stress? Have they asked you to set aside time for them whether it’s during Christmas or in time for New Year’s? Or has it been crickets the entire time?

My late fiancé was a proactive man. I mean, even when I had a cold, this man would have flowers, orange juice, and meds waiting for me at my dorm (yep, even at that young of an age, he was on it). It’s one of the things that “sold” me to the concept of forever with him. People who move proactively have you on their minds and like to show it.

Reactive people are always trying to fix what could’ve been avoided…if they had only been proactive in the first place. BIG DIFFERENCE. And yes, the holidays typically tend to amplify all of this.